Tales from the wedding - 1

Lots and lots happened. But of course, I can’t write them all here so let me narrate this one occasion for the sake of being narrated.

Out of all people critical for a wedding to be concluded in Northern India, Punjab, to be more specific, one very important category is that of the Eunuchs. So while you need the band walas, the mehendi walas, the cooks, the press wala, the pundits, the beauty salon lady, the guy who will put up the lights and tents, the flower wala, the photographer etc etc, the wedding cannot be treated as official commenced until the “Eunuchs” visit your home and bless the new couple.

They turn up mostly uninvited, curtsey, their impeccable network, which informs them of such occasions. And once there, they won’t depart unless paid a good hefty amount, clothes and sweets.

This is exactly what happened post the wedding. A messenger came home informing us that the Eunuchs will visit the household in the evening and that we should be prepared. I had never seen such a thing before, although vaguely aware of the concept. What followed was quite interesting. I saw my mother-in-law, asking the maid to go and inform the neighbors about the same. Some phone calls were made too.

Come evening I saw hordes of women from the neighborhood descending into our house. They were all there to see the blessings. And then the Eunuchs came all done up in this really bright and expensive attire. They came with their band of 2 musicians. Both us daughter in laws were asked to dress up and sit pretty.

What followed was quite hilarious. The Eunuchs danced and sang for close to 30 mins. Actually, if you ask me it was quite entertaining although I didn’t follow half the things they said. Post all this song and dance the newlywed girl was blessed with, guess what? Quite obvious, a son! And of course I wasn’t spared too. A son for me too!!

Post which my MIL parted with quite a hefty sum, some nice clothes and sweets! This is the tradition there. One doesn’t upset them. And no, there is no fear or irritation in giving them the money. In fact like all other wedding expense, even this is accounted for. People willingly give them what they ask for.

This is a category of people, considered to be among the lowest end of social strata, abused and cursed.  And here they were being revered as the messenger of good luck and blessings. They make their living by giving blessings and they are very sincere about it. They have accepted their misfortune and have made a livelihood out of it. One could see the desire to break ranks and live a good life glistening in their eyes and yet they performed what they were expected to with outmost honesty. Yes, it was indeed a very strange experience and very humbling too. 

Adventure at Fairprice!

A rather strange thing happened yesterday at the departmental store. Aman had ventured out late in the night post dinner to pick up some essentials while I battled with some inane presentation. Trip to Fairprice (the said departmental store) is usually a post dinner affair as firstly it’s open 24 hrs and secondly it also serves as a good after dinner walk which surely my old body needs once in a while.

So yesterday the man of the house went there all by himself only to be completely stalked and then hounded by an old lady. The said lady came up to him from behind the shelves and asked him all of a sudden if he was a Jew. He isn’t and he said so, but she insisted he has to be a Jew for his eyes were so beautiful and deep and only Jews had such beautiful eyes? I mean, what kind of statement was that!!

Anyways, he denied and walked ahead. And then she came up to him again and asked if he knew who Indra Gandhi was? Of course, won’t all Indians know her? She claimed that he was related to Indra Gandhi in some way. She went one step ahead and asked Aman to inform Rahul Gandhi to play safe as his life is in danger.  That’s when it turned a little scary. And then she started talking some strange things about me as well. 

And then the lady began with her sermon on how we should both be reading the Hebrew Bible. That was the cue for Aman to really run.

So Jew, and Rahul Gandhi and Hebrew Bible?? I am so not venturing to fairprice anytime soon. 

And I am now angry.

People are like mirrors. When I look at someone, I see only what I want to see. I have my pre conceived notions and I notice only those aspects which I want to see. This was true for me like when I was in my early teens or something!!! But isn’t any more. Because I have grown up and matured and to a far extent stopped being judgmental as well.

Unfortunately, you are where I left you a decade back. And I do pity you for it. Because you have no idea how childish your attitude is and how silly it makes you look. You had the making of an intelligent human being but I guess you lost out somewhere along the way.

I know you come around here reading my blog. And my thoughts rub you the wrong way.  Because, in my happiness you don’t see happiness, you see my insecurity, which by the way doesn’t exist. In my experiences you see “show-off”, in my annoyances you see “contempt”. My life really is quite happy. So please give up on being judgmental about it.

There is only one message I have for you – Grow up. I have been ignoring you for past many years, and will continue to do so after this one burst. I write this today because I feel sad for you. And truly, we were good friends once upon a time, and I thought I would do you one last favor! 

Why have I been crying?

Something really strange has been happening to me lately. Don’t know how or when, but suddenly I see myself transformed into this fat round gooey mass of emotions. It’s like I am brimming with sentiments. And even a slight nudge is enough to get me all teary eyed. It’s not that I am cold hearted otherwise. But this is stretching it a bit too far.

Like for example the other day I caught myself crying while watching Patiala House. Now, who in its sane mind would do that?? I have been crying when friends have announced pregnancies, which by the way, seems like a national phenomenon!!

Yesterday, Massi put up pictures of a recent family function on FB and I had a lump in my throat watching the family together.  And when my Dad’s and his brothers picture came up I cried some bucketful, and mind you this is when I was with dad exactly 15 days back? These are but a few examples and I am walking around with an eternal lump in my throat and dew in my eyes.

Papa (in Black), with Chachu and Bade Papa

So nostalgia is at an all time high. It looks to me like a very bad case of PMSing or a major after effect of this India trip. Which by the way rocked in more ways that I can ever list out? The bonding with Aman’s side of the family went up by a few notches, and this when I am already quite close to all of them, is quite commendable. I so feel a part of the clan. The way they have all gone out of their way to accept me is just a bit unbelievable. I have felt this all along, but now that I have completed 5 yrs of being married, I can safely say it aloud as well. Touch wood!

Coming back to the emotional bit, this song is also doing its trick. Not that I am boy or ever studied in Punjab or did most of the things the singer talks about.  So hormones acting up. Any remedies people?

To India

Come Friday and we are off to India. Our first trip home since we moved to Singapore last year and the occasion is as joyous as it can get. Its Aman’s brothers wedding. Which means there will be much family time, finger licking food, clothes, jewelry, dancing, singing and the works!

Yes, yet another Big fat Punjabi wedding. And since I am the one and only Bhabhi (sister-in-law) there is much to look forward to. I have always been a great fan of Indian traditions and I know that there are times when we will go overboard with stuff. And maybe in retrospect we will think if there was a point in all the extravagance. But as of now, I just want to go with the flow of the celebrations.

So shopping for gifts has been done for some selective set of relatives. Buying gifts for all wasn’t an option. It would have emptied our pockets and we would have ended up paying for extra baggage too. So we decided to act sane and buy gifts for some of the folks. The remaining shall be gifted on our next trip.

As for my shopping for the wedding, it’s non-existent. I obviously cannot buy Indian clothes from here. So all my shopping which is like a lot will happen in India. I have less than 24hrs in Delhi to pick up as much as I can. It would be an understatement to say I am nervous. From my past experiences it takes but a week or so of dedicated effort to get the entire ensemble ready. And here I have just a couple of days, so tell me how on earth I do it. I need nothing less than a miracle to help me sail through. And no this is no drama, and I am so hoping that the ladies out there will understand! Send some prayers my way will you??

But keeping this earth shattering problem aside, I am super duper excited. I am so looking forward to welcome a new member to Malhotra household. And obviously there are very few things in the world like a Punjabi wedding you see. And you got to attend one to know what I mean. And I get to meet my parents too who will be very much part of the wedding so that’s the added bonus. All in all, looking forward to some major fun, provided I get my clothes ready, else there will be one grumpy, irritated me and that’s no good person to deal with! 

Of Festivals and Families

Nostalgia is at an all time high. Its Lohri today and here I am, stuck at work with no plans whatsoever to celebrate the festival. And being in Singapore doesn’t help my cause you see.

Childhood memories come flooding back as I am trying to get some work done. The mind is refusing to concentrate. I feel myself transported to the cold winter evenings of Ranchi. Lohri each year was celebrated with as much gusto and enthusiasm. The entire family would come together to dance and sing around the bonfire. There was yummy traditional food. And sweets. Revari and Popcorns which were then generously thrown in the fire.   A feeling of happiness and festivity all around. Lots of laughter and some gossips. Traditional songs, dance and the some money imparted by elders to the ones younger to them. So not only did we have fun but we also came out richer.

Lohri for me was an occasion, like many others, when my entire family would be together. This was in fact the best part of my growing up years. The fondness my entire family had for celebrations and festivals. Right from childhood we saw all festivals being celebrated together and with a lot of heart and soul being put in it. Not just festivals but each and every occasion, like birthdays, anniversaries, New Year and even children’s day meant that the whole gang would be together, eating and having fun! And it helped that we were a lot of us in the same town. We were what can easily symbolize "the nice big fat Indian family."

And now living so far away from home, I can’t even begin to express how much I miss it. Thankfully I have the memories.

You can go here and read more about this festival - http://www.lohrifestival.org

Leaving you with the lyrics of this traditional Lohri song – Sunder munderiye hoye, tera kaun vichara hoye,dulla bhatti wala hoye,dulle di dhi wihaai hoye,sher shakar paare hoye!

Here is my take on “No One Killed Jessica”

Let’s separate the two. The tragedy and the film.

The incident is something that I had followed very closely.  And like half of India I too felt cheated when the accused were let off. I too felt the rage and anger. And I too wanted the criminals to be punished. So seeing it all live on screen brought back all these emotions again. I was watching it more like a documentary or a series of how the events took place.  And yes I did end up with tears in my eyes.

Now coming to the movie – I thought it was a very mediocre affair. Vidya was good, Rani was over the top. Some characters were very good, like the cop. The movie could have been better.  And this is why I say this – Just assume that this movie wasn’t made on a real life incident. Just assume if this same movie was totally fictitious? What if there was no Jessica Lal ever killed. In that case this movie would have fallen flat.

The movie brings forward the obvious. The helplessness of the common man. The power of position and money and its misuse that’s rampant. The movie reminds one of the fact that what a barbaric society this is.   

The idea behind the movie was to portray what had happened in reality and there I think it has done a decent job. It does try and make things larger than life at some places, but then it’s a movie at the end of the day. Go watch it once.

On a separate note, I am quite happy that Shweta won Big Boss. Among all and sundry present there, she was the most decent one. She is quite gritty in her own ways. Independent, single mom, someone who said no to abuse and chucked that joker of a husband out of her life.  Think about it, it was that loud mouth Dolly who played such a crucial role in Shweta’s victory though. The whole bit about Shweta being abused and victimized by Dolly had the nation voting for her. Something similar to what happened with Shilpa Shetty. 

For this had to be written

A decade has ended and another has begun. The decade that saw me leaving my teenage behind and entering my twenties, a decade where I transitioned from a student into a professional. I finished education, got a degree, started working and became financially independent. I lived in 4 cities through this time. It was during this decade that I met A, we became best friends and god knows when fell in love and then got married as well. A decade where a young girl left her hometown in pursuit of bigger things in life. To find her true self. And I think I have done pretty well on that.

This decade could easily be classified as the growth decade. A decade of personal, professional, financial and emotional growth. Of happiness and fun I never imagined existed. And of grief and feelings I wasn’t aware of. All in all, a very fulfilling time. The beautiful twenties of my life. Of Love, pleasure, travelling, living to the fullest. Of losing some friends and making some more. And of realizing which of these will stay forever.

It is never possible to say with certainty of how the time to come by will mould itself. But something that I can foresee is that this new decade will be the decade of nurturing the growth that took place previously. A solid foundation to life has been laid and ground work has been done. It’s time to set the blocks soaring.

I wish all of you a very happy new year. I wish for all of your wishes to be fulfilled and your hearts to be filled with contentment and joy. Be healthy, spend time with family, laugh out loud, spend money, travel, read. Be Good!!