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The timing of the trip back to in-laws place was a near perfect disaster recipe. Let’s just say, being married for almost 5 yrs and having no children to show off, isn’t exactly a very exciting combination, for I knew the kind of looks and sneers I would get.
So the 5th wedding anniversary was precisely 2 days before the BILs wedding date, which meant that all relatives had safely landed and the celebrations had begun. The spouse made me cut a huge huge cake with a big “happy 5th” written on top of it. So memories were refreshed for even those relatives who had forgotten about it.
And thus began the lecture marathon from all and sundry and mostly those who matter little. From telling me how I was messing up with my body, to blaming me for coming in the nature’s desired path and then going on and saying how I was depriving the parent in-laws of a “grand son”. Phew. I did remain calm all through. Coz it was more important to ensure that the wedding happened properly. And frankly I was in no mood of altercation over this non issue. In these 5 years I have moved on from being bothered about this. It’s our life and our baby and we will have it when we want it. Nothing else matters.
This post is not about “others advising me on having children”. I am sure a lot of Indian married women have heard enough and more about this. What is rather intriguing is how consistent each of those uncles and aunties were in blessing me with a “SON”. Absolutely no two ways about it. Each and every blessing that I received was for a son. I mean bless me with a healthy baby; won’t that be a wiser thing to do?
Finally I did retaliate, more from the intention to irritate this old neighbor. The moment she said “God bless you with a son very soon”, I did ask her “why son why not a daughter?” And I could see her visibly flushed. Pink in cheeks, she said, that a daughter can happen later but first born should be a son. I glared at her against my better judgment, but she got the message, mumbled something and left. It was actually quite funny to see this effect my words had on this woman. I guess it was a first for her.
Now don’t confuse me with a pseudo feminist. I am no man hater. But I have no preference when it comes to children. When we decide to go in for a baby, I will only hope and pray for a healthy child . Nothing wrong in wishing those, right?
17 comments:
True!!! Nothing wrong :)
In fact girls are even better :D
U do know am with u, dnt u :)
Exactly!!! But sadly Indians still have a long way to go before accepting that fact!!
And lets not even talk about the "when are u having a kid" talks!! It is irritating beyond description!!!
:) Now I know what you are saying....
Exactly four years back, I would have reacted the same way had someone said that to me.... Or maybe even worse since I desperately wanted a girl.
Now it doesn't matter.... I am fine with my second one being a boy or a girl.. yes, as long as the baby is healthy!!
So please accept my wishes and prayers for a healthy and 'golu' baby (whenever he/she decides to come into your lives)...
LOL Shweta! i agree on that, the are way more cuter!
I know Swaram, i know..
Smita - things are changing, but very slowly..
Puja - Thanks Puja for when ever we are having one.
It irritates me no end. and really control myself for i dont want to snap at ppl who wont even understand the reason of my ire.
5 years and no kids!!! did they not put you in prison!?
No kidding, people have already started bugging me with the "good news" question. I guess most people just give in after 3 years, thanks to the torture...
Lol Prathima - i am not the kinds to get too bothered. use to get irritated at the start. but soon realized it was not worth it. we are very clearly on this aspect. Will have a baby when we want and not when they want us to have.
Nice post Iya. We have no 'standard blessings' to wish women healthy baby girls. We can only bless women with their husbands' long lives and many sons. (saubhagyawati raho, and dudho nahao puto phalo).
Thanks IHM. You are right, but the standards need to change. When ever my mum blesses me, she says "baby" and not son or daughter. Change begins with us. When my mum at her age can be independent of these son/daughter thoughts, i am sure so can others. but then again, she is a proud mum of 2 girls so she knows it really makes no difference.
Indian families can be so intrusive. They should really learn to just keep their thoughts to themselves.
Ro - and more than the immediate family its the extended set of relatives, family friends, neighbors and acquaintances who need to keep a check on themselves
cant stop grinning when i think about the shock u gave that old woman.
:)
Having said that, do have a baby...they are good fun and like I mentioned the other day, u need a lot of energy to take care of them - so being young actually helps.
I know it feels like a big decision and worries about how life will change are predictable enough but it still is worth it.
LOL!!I knoww..its irritating.. We had Babushka after 3 years of getting married and we were away from India..still that didn't stop people from advising us every call!!
And the Son blessing..let me not even get started on that..
Now,that baby#2 is on the way,everyone keeps saying,"arre hope this one is a boy,then u will have one of each" and we keep saying.. "Nahi nahi we want another girl!! coz our princess wants a sister!" Can u imagine the looks we get?LOL!
@ Pinku - :) ofcourse i will!
@ Suburban Mumma - all the best dear! i hope the remaining months are easy on u!
This obsession with a son is very deep rooted.
I had gone through the exact same scenarios. We planned to have a baby when we were ready for it, and everybody around had an opinion, and just like you, it used to enrage me, when people 'blessed' me with a 'son'! I can't tell you how much this post reverberates with me!
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