Simpy, our maid’s daughter – Post 5

Back home in Kapurthala (where Aman’s parents live) we have a part time maid. Her story is no different from any of the hundreds of other maids. She is from Bihar and when poverty got the better of them, she along with her husband came to Punjab. While she works in multiple houses through the day, he squanders his time by gambling and drinking and then beating wife and children.

Among other children she has a daughter Simpy. When Aman and I got married, Simpy was a little girl of around 10 years. I remember her distinctly because of her energy and her smile. She didn’t know how old she was, just estimation. Simpy use to come home with her mom. She was pretty excited by the idea of a new bride coming into the house.

I have seen her grow a little older at each of my annual visit to Kapurthala. Last year, when I went to kapurthala my MIL told me that Simpy's marriage had been fixed. I was a little shocked considering she wouldn’t be more than 14 years. We tried talking to Simpy’s mother but to no avail. She was very happy because the groom was from their community, had a fruit stall and was well settled. She was convinced that he was a good match for her daughter.  She did ensure us that this marriage was just to ensure that the children don’t wander and get lured. The idea was that even after marriage Simpy would still stay with her parents. She would only move to her in-laws house after 3-4 years when she was older and matured. (Reference here is to the practice of Gauna where the marriage is consummated after several years of the actual ceremony)

Well, when I went to Kapurthala this February I was beyond my wits when I saw Simpy. She hadn’t been coming home with her mother and with all the wedding preparations even I had completely forgotten about her. Finally when I saw her I was stunned. She was pregnant, in less than a year of her marriage. At 15 odd years, she was an expectant mother. Just looking at her broke my heart in thousand pieces. This girl-woman suddenly looked all coy and embarrassed. She will have her baby anytime now.

We spoke a lot about CSA all of last month. What do we call something like this? When will this stop? Is anyone doing anything about it? 

It’s time for the madness to begin – Post 1

And we take the plunge. Yet again, not having learnt from our past mistakes. These lovely women have successfully lured me into this. You might wonder what? Well, we are talking about  NaBloPoMo, where we write a blog post each day for the rest of the month.

We did this last year in June and the same group is back again. And how could I miss the party?

The CSAAM month has just got over. Can’t begin to say what the month of April meant to me. It was agonizing and therapeutic, both at the same time. It was stressing beyond words, not just physically but mentally too. And since work can never be ignored, it was personal space and time that took the beating. Late nights and some more. But there isn’t an iota of regret. There is only a sense of fulfillment of having done something worthwhile.

One person that needs a special mention is Aman. For without his support and smile, I couldn’t have carried the CSAAM work. He endured me and my moods with a golden heart. I can never say enough how lucky I am and I can never thank him enough to have chosen me as his life partner. Touchwood.

So coming back to NaBloPoMo, let us start the madness again! 

ps: these are the folks who are enthusiastically doing this!

CSAAM April 2011 | Speak up – That’s the least your child deserves.

Children are like little bundles of innocence and miracle. They are meant to be nurtured and cared for. They deserve every ounce of protection that parents can provide. Birth of a child is considered as one of the most joyous occasions in the life of an individual. Then why do the same individuals fail to protect their cherished child? Why is it that the society and appearances become more important than insuring justice for your child?

Whether we accept it or not, whether we talk about it or not, the fact remains that more than 50% children have been sexual abused. This happens across sections of societies and to both girls and boys.

Confrontation is not easy for most people. It requires grit to break shackles and speak up. But how can people not confront the person who has harmed their own children. Why is it that when it comes to dealing with the abuser of their own child, these parents decide to remain silent.

The social stigma has long been associated with the victim. The burden of shame has long been on the tender shoulder of the abused. The families in most cases ignore the signs and even if they notice they try and hush the matter. The first reaction in most cases is to take no notice of it, and even when noticed, more often than not, the next reaction is of disbelief. 

And then the ever prevalent belief that something like this will not happen to “us and our children”. Of course, no one likes to live in constant fear and paranoia. But isn’t shutting eyes an extremely lame thing to do?

Things need to change and change begins with you. There frankly is no more space left under the carpet now. Too much of hushing and shoving has happened. Time we start accepting and talking about it.

Educating, discussing about CSA and bringing it out of the closet are the initial steps towards prevention. Only if the child knows what is right and what is wrong will he/she alert parents. Instilling confidence and believing the child is the next step. And god forbid if something happens; there should be absolutely no question about punishing the abuser. For your own conscience and for your child. How else will you be able to look into those eyes ever again without feeling guilty?

Thinking back, I realize how protective my parents always were. Without making my sister and me a mistrustful bunch of kids, they always ensured that we were under the right and the watchful eyes. 

They told us what was right and wrong and we knew they would trust us if at all something like this happened. 

Children deserve a happy and a safe childhood. And no matter what we as adults have to provide it. 

Of Phuket and more

Phuket was amazing!! 3 days of undefined luxury, relaxation and bliss.

And all that we did was, lie in the pool or lounge beside it and sip on some pretty looking drinks. And then hit the beach and do pretty much the same. Throw in some wonderful Thai massages and some exotic food. Not to forget the carefree driving around the beach town.

What more can a girl ask for? Nothing, absolutely nothing. The villa we stayed in Marriot was to die for. The bath alone was bigger than my current bedroom in Singapore! Sigh. So a super hit holiday, a beautiful tan and the wait begins for the next one. And I have a feeling it will be Bali this time.

In another news, we are moving into a new house next week. The current one was a bit small for our liking. Moving into this house was an ill informed and quick decision but considering it was taken in the first week of moving to Singapore, we didn’t do too badly. The new one is nice, pretty and spacious. A little far from office, but manageable. So we broke our contract midyear, paid a penalty, but never mind, we got a place we like.

Also, most of you must be aware of the work we are doing around creating awareness on Child Sexual Abuse.  Do visit the blog and spread awareness by talkin about it. All the details are in here.  

And to help spread the word, Blogadda published this article - http://blog.blogadda.com/2011/04/08/child-sexual-abuse-awareness-month

Also, DNA did a article on CSA –
Online – http://www.dnaindia.com/lifestyle/report_its-time-to-protect-the-children_1529628

Print (page 7)- http://epaper.dnaindia.com/dnabangalore/epapermain.aspx?queryed=9&username=&useremailid=&parenteditioncode=9&eddate=4%2f8%2f2011

Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month [CSAAM] - April 2011

All through April some blogger friends are hosting the CSA Awareness Month:

If you would like to add to the discussion or know somebody else who would, please note that  entries are more than welcome -

a. mailed to csa.awareness.april@gmail.com OR
b. posted as FB notes and linked to the FB page OR

c. posted on your own blog with the badge and "CSAAM April 2011" in the heading and linked to the main blog OR

d. linked or posted on Twitter tagged twitter.com/CSAAwareness OR

e. sent via some/all of the above methods

Some topics are suggested here. Anonymous contributions are accepted and requests for anonymity will of course be honoured. I will probably be hosting at least one guest post and encourage you to do the same for non-blogger friends.

Please remember to send in a mail with links to your blog post/FB Notes (or just your input) to csa.awareness.april@gmail.com so that we can track your contribution and make sure that it is not inadvertently lost or something.