And I am now angry.

People are like mirrors. When I look at someone, I see only what I want to see. I have my pre conceived notions and I notice only those aspects which I want to see. This was true for me like when I was in my early teens or something!!! But isn’t any more. Because I have grown up and matured and to a far extent stopped being judgmental as well.

Unfortunately, you are where I left you a decade back. And I do pity you for it. Because you have no idea how childish your attitude is and how silly it makes you look. You had the making of an intelligent human being but I guess you lost out somewhere along the way.

I know you come around here reading my blog. And my thoughts rub you the wrong way.  Because, in my happiness you don’t see happiness, you see my insecurity, which by the way doesn’t exist. In my experiences you see “show-off”, in my annoyances you see “contempt”. My life really is quite happy. So please give up on being judgmental about it.

There is only one message I have for you – Grow up. I have been ignoring you for past many years, and will continue to do so after this one burst. I write this today because I feel sad for you. And truly, we were good friends once upon a time, and I thought I would do you one last favor! 

Why have I been crying?

Something really strange has been happening to me lately. Don’t know how or when, but suddenly I see myself transformed into this fat round gooey mass of emotions. It’s like I am brimming with sentiments. And even a slight nudge is enough to get me all teary eyed. It’s not that I am cold hearted otherwise. But this is stretching it a bit too far.

Like for example the other day I caught myself crying while watching Patiala House. Now, who in its sane mind would do that?? I have been crying when friends have announced pregnancies, which by the way, seems like a national phenomenon!!

Yesterday, Massi put up pictures of a recent family function on FB and I had a lump in my throat watching the family together.  And when my Dad’s and his brothers picture came up I cried some bucketful, and mind you this is when I was with dad exactly 15 days back? These are but a few examples and I am walking around with an eternal lump in my throat and dew in my eyes.

Papa (in Black), with Chachu and Bade Papa

So nostalgia is at an all time high. It looks to me like a very bad case of PMSing or a major after effect of this India trip. Which by the way rocked in more ways that I can ever list out? The bonding with Aman’s side of the family went up by a few notches, and this when I am already quite close to all of them, is quite commendable. I so feel a part of the clan. The way they have all gone out of their way to accept me is just a bit unbelievable. I have felt this all along, but now that I have completed 5 yrs of being married, I can safely say it aloud as well. Touch wood!

Coming back to the emotional bit, this song is also doing its trick. Not that I am boy or ever studied in Punjab or did most of the things the singer talks about.  So hormones acting up. Any remedies people?

To India

Come Friday and we are off to India. Our first trip home since we moved to Singapore last year and the occasion is as joyous as it can get. Its Aman’s brothers wedding. Which means there will be much family time, finger licking food, clothes, jewelry, dancing, singing and the works!

Yes, yet another Big fat Punjabi wedding. And since I am the one and only Bhabhi (sister-in-law) there is much to look forward to. I have always been a great fan of Indian traditions and I know that there are times when we will go overboard with stuff. And maybe in retrospect we will think if there was a point in all the extravagance. But as of now, I just want to go with the flow of the celebrations.

So shopping for gifts has been done for some selective set of relatives. Buying gifts for all wasn’t an option. It would have emptied our pockets and we would have ended up paying for extra baggage too. So we decided to act sane and buy gifts for some of the folks. The remaining shall be gifted on our next trip.

As for my shopping for the wedding, it’s non-existent. I obviously cannot buy Indian clothes from here. So all my shopping which is like a lot will happen in India. I have less than 24hrs in Delhi to pick up as much as I can. It would be an understatement to say I am nervous. From my past experiences it takes but a week or so of dedicated effort to get the entire ensemble ready. And here I have just a couple of days, so tell me how on earth I do it. I need nothing less than a miracle to help me sail through. And no this is no drama, and I am so hoping that the ladies out there will understand! Send some prayers my way will you??

But keeping this earth shattering problem aside, I am super duper excited. I am so looking forward to welcome a new member to Malhotra household. And obviously there are very few things in the world like a Punjabi wedding you see. And you got to attend one to know what I mean. And I get to meet my parents too who will be very much part of the wedding so that’s the added bonus. All in all, looking forward to some major fun, provided I get my clothes ready, else there will be one grumpy, irritated me and that’s no good person to deal with! 

Of Festivals and Families

Nostalgia is at an all time high. Its Lohri today and here I am, stuck at work with no plans whatsoever to celebrate the festival. And being in Singapore doesn’t help my cause you see.

Childhood memories come flooding back as I am trying to get some work done. The mind is refusing to concentrate. I feel myself transported to the cold winter evenings of Ranchi. Lohri each year was celebrated with as much gusto and enthusiasm. The entire family would come together to dance and sing around the bonfire. There was yummy traditional food. And sweets. Revari and Popcorns which were then generously thrown in the fire.   A feeling of happiness and festivity all around. Lots of laughter and some gossips. Traditional songs, dance and the some money imparted by elders to the ones younger to them. So not only did we have fun but we also came out richer.

Lohri for me was an occasion, like many others, when my entire family would be together. This was in fact the best part of my growing up years. The fondness my entire family had for celebrations and festivals. Right from childhood we saw all festivals being celebrated together and with a lot of heart and soul being put in it. Not just festivals but each and every occasion, like birthdays, anniversaries, New Year and even children’s day meant that the whole gang would be together, eating and having fun! And it helped that we were a lot of us in the same town. We were what can easily symbolize "the nice big fat Indian family."

And now living so far away from home, I can’t even begin to express how much I miss it. Thankfully I have the memories.

You can go here and read more about this festival - http://www.lohrifestival.org

Leaving you with the lyrics of this traditional Lohri song – Sunder munderiye hoye, tera kaun vichara hoye,dulla bhatti wala hoye,dulle di dhi wihaai hoye,sher shakar paare hoye!

Here is my take on “No One Killed Jessica”

Let’s separate the two. The tragedy and the film.

The incident is something that I had followed very closely.  And like half of India I too felt cheated when the accused were let off. I too felt the rage and anger. And I too wanted the criminals to be punished. So seeing it all live on screen brought back all these emotions again. I was watching it more like a documentary or a series of how the events took place.  And yes I did end up with tears in my eyes.

Now coming to the movie – I thought it was a very mediocre affair. Vidya was good, Rani was over the top. Some characters were very good, like the cop. The movie could have been better.  And this is why I say this – Just assume that this movie wasn’t made on a real life incident. Just assume if this same movie was totally fictitious? What if there was no Jessica Lal ever killed. In that case this movie would have fallen flat.

The movie brings forward the obvious. The helplessness of the common man. The power of position and money and its misuse that’s rampant. The movie reminds one of the fact that what a barbaric society this is.   

The idea behind the movie was to portray what had happened in reality and there I think it has done a decent job. It does try and make things larger than life at some places, but then it’s a movie at the end of the day. Go watch it once.

On a separate note, I am quite happy that Shweta won Big Boss. Among all and sundry present there, she was the most decent one. She is quite gritty in her own ways. Independent, single mom, someone who said no to abuse and chucked that joker of a husband out of her life.  Think about it, it was that loud mouth Dolly who played such a crucial role in Shweta’s victory though. The whole bit about Shweta being abused and victimized by Dolly had the nation voting for her. Something similar to what happened with Shilpa Shetty. 

For this had to be written

A decade has ended and another has begun. The decade that saw me leaving my teenage behind and entering my twenties, a decade where I transitioned from a student into a professional. I finished education, got a degree, started working and became financially independent. I lived in 4 cities through this time. It was during this decade that I met A, we became best friends and god knows when fell in love and then got married as well. A decade where a young girl left her hometown in pursuit of bigger things in life. To find her true self. And I think I have done pretty well on that.

This decade could easily be classified as the growth decade. A decade of personal, professional, financial and emotional growth. Of happiness and fun I never imagined existed. And of grief and feelings I wasn’t aware of. All in all, a very fulfilling time. The beautiful twenties of my life. Of Love, pleasure, travelling, living to the fullest. Of losing some friends and making some more. And of realizing which of these will stay forever.

It is never possible to say with certainty of how the time to come by will mould itself. But something that I can foresee is that this new decade will be the decade of nurturing the growth that took place previously. A solid foundation to life has been laid and ground work has been done. It’s time to set the blocks soaring.

I wish all of you a very happy new year. I wish for all of your wishes to be fulfilled and your hearts to be filled with contentment and joy. Be healthy, spend time with family, laugh out loud, spend money, travel, read. Be Good!!

Dance baby dance

I admit! I am a sucker for dance based reality shows. Yeah, laugh now. I don’t care!!

Every time I see these non dancers shake that leg it makes me all dreamy. How I see myself doing just that. And why I say this today is coz’ yet another season of Jhalak Dikh La Ja premiered yesterday. 

My association with dance is pretty old, just like that of any other kid. I have very vivid memories of dancing as a child and I remember being told how good I was at it. This trend continued till my teenage years with number of house parties, for in a town like Ranchi discs were unheard of. But that was then. Gradually the dancer in me retired and now what is left is a girl who can barely shake a leg in the crowded disc and do some vague bhangara steps, thanks to the never ending weddings. But that’s no dance, that’s just moving to the beats.

What I want to learn is proper dance. Salsa, Rumba, Hip-Hop, Fusion, Bollywood. I really do. And this urge becomes strong each time I watch these dance shows. I see myself dancing like the stars.

In fact about 6 months back I even joined a dance school and went for exactly 4 classes. Then work played spoil sport and dance was forgotten along with the fee. But one thing that came out clearly in those 4 classes was how Pathetic I was. I don’t know how and when I will ever manage to get back to learning, but this is surely one thing I want to try, maybe I will suck at it or might be good too. 

Till then let me day dream and see myself participating in one of these shows. What about you, do you dance?

Shoes, dont we love thee!

Since I have been talking about shopping and shopping I thought it would be a good idea to give you, my esteemed readers, a sneak peek into my shoe rack. Featured below are only the shoes, of the high heel types, acquired very recently. A little context here will help: I have a self declared shoe obsession. And I buy, whenever I get a chance. Whilst I was moving to Singapore, there was only as much I could bring along. So I gave some to my sister and packed some home. There were still too many left. So I donated, all of 30 plus pairs. Yeah, I didn’t have too much choice, with Aman threatening me and Dad coaxing me, I gave in.

This only means the need to refurbish the depleted collection. Posting some pictures below, because you wanted to see it!!

To go with the new brown dress!

The Comfy ones

The essential ones

These are a shade of Grey, dunno why they look Cream.

Love these,

These look awesome with skirts.

Peep toes!