Simpy, our maid’s daughter – Post 5

Back home in Kapurthala (where Aman’s parents live) we have a part time maid. Her story is no different from any of the hundreds of other maids. She is from Bihar and when poverty got the better of them, she along with her husband came to Punjab. While she works in multiple houses through the day, he squanders his time by gambling and drinking and then beating wife and children.

Among other children she has a daughter Simpy. When Aman and I got married, Simpy was a little girl of around 10 years. I remember her distinctly because of her energy and her smile. She didn’t know how old she was, just estimation. Simpy use to come home with her mom. She was pretty excited by the idea of a new bride coming into the house.

I have seen her grow a little older at each of my annual visit to Kapurthala. Last year, when I went to kapurthala my MIL told me that Simpy's marriage had been fixed. I was a little shocked considering she wouldn’t be more than 14 years. We tried talking to Simpy’s mother but to no avail. She was very happy because the groom was from their community, had a fruit stall and was well settled. She was convinced that he was a good match for her daughter.  She did ensure us that this marriage was just to ensure that the children don’t wander and get lured. The idea was that even after marriage Simpy would still stay with her parents. She would only move to her in-laws house after 3-4 years when she was older and matured. (Reference here is to the practice of Gauna where the marriage is consummated after several years of the actual ceremony)

Well, when I went to Kapurthala this February I was beyond my wits when I saw Simpy. She hadn’t been coming home with her mother and with all the wedding preparations even I had completely forgotten about her. Finally when I saw her I was stunned. She was pregnant, in less than a year of her marriage. At 15 odd years, she was an expectant mother. Just looking at her broke my heart in thousand pieces. This girl-woman suddenly looked all coy and embarrassed. She will have her baby anytime now.

We spoke a lot about CSA all of last month. What do we call something like this? When will this stop? Is anyone doing anything about it? 

Tales from the wedding – 3 | Post 3

Let’s talk about food, coz we love it, so much so that on most days we wake up to have breakfast. And while having breakfast we discuss the plans for Lunch and Dinner and the numerous in between eats. Are you all like this too? Or are we a mad household.

So for people who are obsessive about food on a regular basis, Punjab can be the most lethal place to be. That too in the hands of dotting parents and in-laws who always think that you have lost more weight from the last time they saw you. Parents come with special eyesight I guess, one which enables them to shed off the “oh-so-prominent” kilos from their children.

This last trip was no different. Add to it the magic of the wedding and you can guess what I am talking about. Each meal was an elaborate affair with starters and dessert thrown in. There is no doubt that Punjbi food is delicious and I think I have finally cracked the code as well. It’s that divine ingredient called BUTTER or its close cousin GHEE, which are added to each and every dish in no small quantity. The more liberal you are with the usage, the better the outcome will be. Sigh!!

Our family cook/halwai – Mr Desa, a tiny, thin man with a nerve of steel was commissioned with the job of preparing each and every meal mostly breakfast and lunches since dinners were at the venues where functions were happening. Me and MIL sat down and prepared this elaborate menu for each day of the festivity. This was duly passed on to Mr Desa so he could arrange for the ingredients.

I was fascinated, least to say, to see him at work. What multitasking, what organizing capabilities and what meticulous working manner. He could put any of those highly paid MBA’s to shame. With 2 helpers, he rocked the show and prepared food for anywhere between 50 to 100 people, meal after meal, bang on time, served with panache and tasting absolutely delightful.

Both Aman and I came back with additions of more than a few shameless kilos. Cruel cruel life this is, I tell you. So while I do realize the mounting weight and while I do procrastinate about  doing something about it, the food and my love for it grows and grows!

Tales from the wedding – 2

Click here for "Tale from the wedding - 1"

The timing of the trip back to in-laws place was a near perfect disaster recipe. Let’s just say, being married for almost 5 yrs and having no children to show off, isn’t exactly a very exciting combination, for I knew the kind of looks and sneers I would get.

So the 5^th wedding anniversary was precisely 2 days before the BILs wedding date, which meant that all relatives had safely landed and the celebrations had begun. The spouse made me cut a huge huge cake with a big “happy 5^th” written on top of it. So memories were refreshed for even those relatives who had forgotten about it.

And thus began the lecture marathon from all and sundry and mostly those who matter little. From telling me how I was messing up with my body, to blaming me for coming in the nature’s desired path and then going on and saying how I was depriving the parent in-laws of a “grand son”. Phew. I did remain calm all through. Coz it was more important to ensure that the wedding happened properly. And frankly I was in no mood of altercation over this non issue. In these 5 years I have moved on from being bothered about this. It’s our life and our baby and we will have it when we want it. Nothing else matters.

This post is not about “others advising me on having children”. I am sure a lot of Indian married women have heard enough and more about this. What is rather intriguing is how consistent each of those uncles and aunties were in blessing me with a “SON”.  Absolutely no two ways about it. Each and every blessing that I received was for a son. I mean bless me with a healthy baby; won’t that be a wiser thing to do?

Finally I did retaliate, more from the intention to irritate this old neighbor. The moment she said “God bless you with a son very soon”, I did ask her “why son why not a daughter?” And I could see her visibly flushed. Pink in cheeks, she said, that a daughter can happen later but first born should be a son.  I glared at her against my better judgment, but she got the message, mumbled something and left. It was actually quite funny to see this effect my words had on this woman. I guess it was a first for her.

Now don’t confuse me with a pseudo feminist.  I am no man hater. But I have no preference when it comes to children. When we decide to go in for a baby, I will only hope and pray for a healthy child .  Nothing wrong in wishing those, right? 

Tales from the wedding - 1

Lots and lots happened. But of course, I can’t write them all here so let me narrate this one occasion for the sake of being narrated.

Out of all people critical for a wedding to be concluded in Northern India, Punjab, to be more specific, one very important category is that of the Eunuchs. So while you need the band walas, the mehendi walas, the cooks, the press wala, the pundits, the beauty salon lady, the guy who will put up the lights and tents, the flower wala, the photographer etc etc, the wedding cannot be treated as official commenced until the “Eunuchs” visit your home and bless the new couple.

They turn up mostly uninvited, curtsey, their impeccable network, which informs them of such occasions. And once there, they won’t depart unless paid a good hefty amount, clothes and sweets.

This is exactly what happened post the wedding. A messenger came home informing us that the Eunuchs will visit the household in the evening and that we should be prepared. I had never seen such a thing before, although vaguely aware of the concept. What followed was quite interesting. I saw my mother-in-law, asking the maid to go and inform the neighbors about the same. Some phone calls were made too.

Come evening I saw hordes of women from the neighborhood descending into our house. They were all there to see the blessings. And then the Eunuchs came all done up in this really bright and expensive attire. They came with their band of 2 musicians. Both us daughter in laws were asked to dress up and sit pretty.

What followed was quite hilarious. The Eunuchs danced and sang for close to 30 mins. Actually, if you ask me it was quite entertaining although I didn’t follow half the things they said. Post all this song and dance the newlywed girl was blessed with, guess what? Quite obvious, a son! And of course I wasn’t spared too. A son for me too!!

Post which my MIL parted with quite a hefty sum, some nice clothes and sweets! This is the tradition there. One doesn’t upset them. And no, there is no fear or irritation in giving them the money. In fact like all other wedding expense, even this is accounted for. People willingly give them what they ask for.

This is a category of people, considered to be among the lowest end of social strata, abused and cursed.  And here they were being revered as the messenger of good luck and blessings. They make their living by giving blessings and they are very sincere about it. They have accepted their misfortune and have made a livelihood out of it. One could see the desire to break ranks and live a good life glistening in their eyes and yet they performed what they were expected to with outmost honesty. Yes, it was indeed a very strange experience and very humbling too. 

Why have I been crying?

Something really strange has been happening to me lately. Don’t know how or when, but suddenly I see myself transformed into this fat round gooey mass of emotions. It’s like I am brimming with sentiments. And even a slight nudge is enough to get me all teary eyed. It’s not that I am cold hearted otherwise. But this is stretching it a bit too far.

Like for example the other day I caught myself crying while watching Patiala House. Now, who in its sane mind would do that?? I have been crying when friends have announced pregnancies, which by the way, seems like a national phenomenon!!

Yesterday, Massi put up pictures of a recent family function on FB and I had a lump in my throat watching the family together.  And when my Dad’s and his brothers picture came up I cried some bucketful, and mind you this is when I was with dad exactly 15 days back? These are but a few examples and I am walking around with an eternal lump in my throat and dew in my eyes.

Papa (in Black), with Chachu and Bade Papa

So nostalgia is at an all time high. It looks to me like a very bad case of PMSing or a major after effect of this India trip. Which by the way rocked in more ways that I can ever list out? The bonding with Aman’s side of the family went up by a few notches, and this when I am already quite close to all of them, is quite commendable. I so feel a part of the clan. The way they have all gone out of their way to accept me is just a bit unbelievable. I have felt this all along, but now that I have completed 5 yrs of being married, I can safely say it aloud as well. Touch wood!

Coming back to the emotional bit, this song is also doing its trick. Not that I am boy or ever studied in Punjab or did most of the things the singer talks about.  So hormones acting up. Any remedies people?

To India

Come Friday and we are off to India. Our first trip home since we moved to Singapore last year and the occasion is as joyous as it can get. Its Aman’s brothers wedding. Which means there will be much family time, finger licking food, clothes, jewelry, dancing, singing and the works!

Yes, yet another Big fat Punjabi wedding. And since I am the one and only Bhabhi (sister-in-law) there is much to look forward to. I have always been a great fan of Indian traditions and I know that there are times when we will go overboard with stuff. And maybe in retrospect we will think if there was a point in all the extravagance. But as of now, I just want to go with the flow of the celebrations.

So shopping for gifts has been done for some selective set of relatives. Buying gifts for all wasn’t an option. It would have emptied our pockets and we would have ended up paying for extra baggage too. So we decided to act sane and buy gifts for some of the folks. The remaining shall be gifted on our next trip.

As for my shopping for the wedding, it’s non-existent. I obviously cannot buy Indian clothes from here. So all my shopping which is like a lot will happen in India. I have less than 24hrs in Delhi to pick up as much as I can. It would be an understatement to say I am nervous. From my past experiences it takes but a week or so of dedicated effort to get the entire ensemble ready. And here I have just a couple of days, so tell me how on earth I do it. I need nothing less than a miracle to help me sail through. And no this is no drama, and I am so hoping that the ladies out there will understand! Send some prayers my way will you??

But keeping this earth shattering problem aside, I am super duper excited. I am so looking forward to welcome a new member to Malhotra household. And obviously there are very few things in the world like a Punjabi wedding you see. And you got to attend one to know what I mean. And I get to meet my parents too who will be very much part of the wedding so that’s the added bonus. All in all, looking forward to some major fun, provided I get my clothes ready, else there will be one grumpy, irritated me and that’s no good person to deal with!